Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Journaling Again

I am picking up my practice of journaling again. Where as before, I did my journaling at night, this time I am doing my pages in the morning. I'm also using a prompt book to guide my entries. The book is "Week by Week: A Year's Worth of Journaling Prompts & Meditations" by Amber Lea Starfire.

I've only started with her book this morning, and after just the first prompt I am so thankful I bought this book. (I have the Kindle version, and prop up my iPad next to me with the prompt up.) The first prompt is, when someone asks "What do you do?" what do you say?

Wow. It seemed like a pretty straightforward question at first. But, once you start thinking about it, your thoughts wander to other aspects and you start to really reflect. I started with, "I'm a full time artist" and took a long and winding road to, "I am a strong willed person who will not bend myself and my personality to make people like me." This  is a pretty profound revelation for me, and has brought some closure to a past childhood where I was constantly bullied.

I realized that I was constantly bullied because I would not change who I was. I was a geeky only child who adored reading and writing and art. I liked alone time (and still need in in large quantities.) I did not believe in being mean to other people, and I still don't. I never wanted to change me, in order to have a "friend." It's amazing that it can take until your thirty-five to answer a question from your childhood.

I called this blog Journey of a Fiber Artist many years back. Now I am starting to realize how encompassing that really is. It's not just the actually items that I am creating that are the journey for me as an artist. It's also about self introspection and realization.

In fact, the realization from my childhood bullying also answer a big question for me; why fiber? If you're a fiber artist, you know that it seems to be a gazillion times harder to make it in the art world. I have often asked myself why I didn't pick an "easier" medium, like painting or clay. Now I know the answer. Because that isn't who I am. I am a girl who adores fabrics and fibers. I always have.

I grew up in a home with sewers, knitters, crocheters and it's just in me. My love of clothes (which I've had since birth!) has a lot to do with the fabric itself. The textures, the drape, the flow, and COLOR.

I am so happy this morning to finally have some puzzle pieces fall into place in mind. I like who I am, and if I change things about myself, it to better myself not to please someone else. I like me that way.

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