It's 7:30 am Monday morning. I'm in the studio. I'm not creating. In fact, the idea of creating both terrifies me and agitates me. I have have two failed sales, and a grant rejection. In one week. I'm seriously starting to doubt myself and my work. Starting to feel paranoid, like I am delusional.
I've been in this sort of position before, but usually with not so many negatives piled on on top another. I will likely end up cleaning and organizing in the studio instead of trying to create. Honestly though, I would like to crawl back into bed under my fluffy comforter and sleep all day.
I feel lost. Unguided. Unsure. Where do I go from here? Do I need to change my style all together? Choose a different medium? Give up entirely? I hate feeling negative, but I feel beaten down!
As an artist, you aren't guaranteed paychecks. You aren't always told you're doing well or badly. You don't get reviews every year. There's no definite criteria on "how your'e doing". There's also not necessarily a checklist of things you can do to improve.
This is definitely a day of self pity for me. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so sick of creating art that no one sees, buys, or cares about. At my sale at Coldwater Creek last week, not as single person stopped at my area to look at my work. Not. One.
As a fiber artist, I generally feel a lack of respect from most "viewers". They see fabric and quilting and automatically seem to discount me entirely. And honestly, I am kinda pissed off about it. I feel like the kid on the playground that everyone picks on.
Today I question my strength to keep going in this chosen medium. I feel so alone and lost in this situation. Can't the universe throw me a bone????